You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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