SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
