I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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