she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
