you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's blow job season.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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