just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
