Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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