If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
