It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
