Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
