Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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