He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
