I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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