mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
