my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
