I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
