is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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