Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
