all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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