i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
