So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dude i'm inner monologue high
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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