everyone is single if you try hard enough
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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