yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
