Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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