another moral hangover. fuck.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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