Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
