just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
