4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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