Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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