Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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