I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
