I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
