ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize