I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm really busy with my period
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