careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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