what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
