she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
