what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
