I wanna passion pit in your ass
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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