She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
