i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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