is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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