so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize