when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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