can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
