I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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