I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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