I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
