final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
