it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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