Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
