Sry I called you an 8
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
