Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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