Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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