my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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