when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
