6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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