Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
