I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
