Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
