you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
