so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
