Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
this boner is exhausting
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
