Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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