I'm laying in your front yard are you home
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
