So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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