i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
