Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
