yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
