So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
