Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
last night I used snow as a chaser
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