I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
