Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize