Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
