Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
