Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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