Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
