So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
