She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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