you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
