That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
