I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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