Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
